scoring - count -1 for each "yes" answer, or for each "correct" answer, unless
instructed otherwise. if you don't know the "correct" answer you've
prolly got it wrong, but dont quote me on that.
section 1 - mildly ridiculous questions concerning makeup and other shallow
1. can you carry out a cogent argument as to why either heating up or freezing
eyeliner before use aids application?
2. have you ever worn your makeup to bed simply to see what it would look like
in the morning?
3. do you apply makeup with no real concern for perfection?
4. ...better yet, do you deliberately ignore fuckups in your makeup?
5. ...even better still, have you been known to intentionally smear your
6. ...ever tried to convince your friends of the artistic merit of said
7. ever taken more than an hour to do a makeup job that should have taken or
looked like it took 10 minutes?
8. have you been known to trip yourself on the dance floor by catching your
skirt on your boot buckles?
9. ...fallen flat on your face as a result?
10. ...been seen doing so?
11. ...acted like you meant to do it?
12. ...hurt your ankle really bad as a result?
13. ever intentionally destroyed the fishnets on your arms while dancing?
14. do you own at least one article of polkadotted clothing?
15. ...do you own it for the sheer obnoxiousness of it all?
16. own enough polkadotted clothing to cover your entire body?
17. ...think this was the greatest thing about strawberry switchblade?
section 2 - sing songs lalalala, and contemptible crap about famous people
18. do you know *every* alien sex fiend song?
19. ...was your answer to question 18 a lie?
20. have you ever seen fiend live?
21. ...fuzzbox, pre-87?
22. do you worship magz as the embodiment of the living goddess?
23. ...at the risk of ridicule?
24. ...even if your friends refuse to associate with you because of it?
25. do you like the movie version of "trust in me" better than siouxsies?
26. did you know rose mcdowall from strawberry switchblade *before* she joined
27. had your hair or makeup done by jill bryson? (extra -5 points for this
28. ever had a pass to a band on the goth list and lost it?
29. ...*before* getting to use it?
30. ever licked a band on the goth list?
31. ...been licked back?
32. was the last song you heard not gothic?
33. ...or are you just afraid to admit it?
34. have you ever slept with david king?
35. got milk?
section 3 - shameless public degradation and utterly gratuitous self-display
36. ever been to more than 4 goth clubs in one week?
37. ...and stayed til close every night?
38. ...and went to work the following days?
39. ...and kept your job?
40. ever cartwheeled at a goth club?
41. ...steamrollered someone at a goth club?
42. can you do the spinning altogether too much and falling into other people
43. ...how about the had too much to drink and now ive broken some glassware
44. ...the what, there are other people on the dance floor and oh, sorry about
your ankle dance?
45. hospitalized someone due to your dancing?
46. ...gained a reputation for being a Dance Floor Hazard?
47. ...revelled in this?
section 4 - the undead, and ridicule thereof, not to mention some completely
48. have you gotten completely bored with vampires?
49. ...drunk blood simply to gross out someone who claims to be a vampire?
51. gotten completely tired of "vampire: the masquerade"?
52. administered the goth test purely to be able to ask someone "are you a
vampire? how do you do your makeup if you havent got a reflection?"
53. used the goth test as a checklist of things to do?
54. ever drunk frangelico?
55. ...from the bottle?
56. ...the whole damn thing?
section 5 - complete disillusionment, and flower arranging
57. ever laughed at people in a following, but secretly wished you were in one
58. ever been unwilling to reveal worship of a non-goth band?
59. decided that goths simply cant write articles about themselves?
60. decided that goths simply *shouldnt* write poetry?
61. ...about themselves?
62. have you ever wanted to submit a propaganda videozine to mystery science
section 6 - at the movies, or how i gave up solemnity, and ruined my good lace
63. have you seen freaks?
64. have you seen blood feast?
65. have you seen the munsters?
66. ...Do you think it's better than the addams family?
67. prefer the addams family comics to the tv show?
section 7 - hardercore than thou, and everybody else, for that matter
68. do you own the tools for some obscure (non-tarot/runes/etc) divination
69. ...more rags than skirts?
70. ...more skirts and skirtlike objects than any other type of clothing,
except perhaps tshirts?
71. ...no "shoes" whatsoever?
72. ...the e.s.t. (trip to the moon) 11"?
73. ...separately from the box set?
74. ever subjected people to a tirade on "the old days"?
75. ...thought about how stupid you must have sounded afterwards?
76. ...resolved never to do it again?
77. ...and then done it all over again anyhow?
78. taken the perkygoff manifesto as words to live by?
79. ...wrote the wretched thing?
80. do you know the address of perkygoff world headquarters?
81. do you *live* there?
82. lied on sexbats goth test?
83. changed the questions on this test in order to get a better score?
section 8 - goodbye, farewell, auf wiedersen...
84. gotten completely tired of this test-taking nonsense and said bollocks to
the whole concept?
85. ...but kept on going to the next question all the same?
86. ...and are still tallying your score at this point?
87. ...hell, and are still even bothering to look at all this drivel?
88. ...just made up a number to get a "higher" score?
89. ...wondered why you even bothered with this to begin with?
90. ...wondered what the hell this whole perkygoff thing is, anyhow?
91. ...and why does joel keep ranting about it?
92. ...well nows your chance
93. ...dont you forget it
94. ...just buy a tin
95. ...and understand it
things to remember:
there are no correct answers
there are no incorrect answers
i dont know the answers
i score less than 96
i answered yes to question 22
and im damn proud of it
if you dont know who magz is, learn NOW. shes dreeeeeeamy. or *was*. SIGH
disclaimer: this is not an attempt to determine your actual perkygoff-ness.
in fact, one could conceivably get a 0 score and still be a perkygoff.
mileage may vary. consult dealer for details.