(last revised 04.27.98)
1. so, what does it take to be a perkygoff?
lots of sugar.
or, optionally, one might simply be a self-deterministic
and obnoxiously happy little git, dressing all in black
and all that rubbish and generally presenting oneself
as a complete paradox when encountering traditional goth
stereotypes of gloom and morbidity. its been done.
2. who are some famous historical perkygoffs?
most prominently, salvador dali, though he didnt know it
at the time. in fact, most surreallists were perkygoffs.
they wont admit it, but its true. we have the films. no,
you cant see them. DUH.
people who *werent* perkygoffs might include: ghengis khan,
lady bird johnson, *all* the archbishops of canterbury,
and at least one of the marx brothers (not karl)
3. what do perkygoffs eat?
bread. fruit. all varieties, in massive quantities. known
to partake of the "bike messengers breakfast" (espresso
mocha and a beer), but only in highly secretive and
ritualistic ceremonies, to which even other perkygoffs
are denied admittance (unless they come in anyways).
actually, pretty much known to consume everything in
4. are they dangerous? will they harm my small children?
only dangerous when angered, or when interfered with
while dancing (quote gina@stanford "OW. OW. OW." repeat
for 3 weeks, hopping on one foot while holding bruised
and sprained other foot). the presence of small children
is actually sometimes welcomed by perkygoffs, though
this acceptance may change at any given moment, as may
anything else, for that matter.
5. if a perkygoff falls in the woods, and no-one is around, does
it make a sound?
yes. a sound rather like "nirmph!". it makes this sound
whether or not youre around to hear it, actually. this
has never been proven to be true.
6. what makes perkygoffs tick?
clocks. a la the crocodile in "peter pan".
7. do they like artic climates?
only if kept outside. (the climates, that is)
8. is there any sort of definitive identification marking or
technique to be used?
most perkygoffs can do cartwheels. while this in and of
itself may not be a dead giveaway (as they do not perform
them constantly), asking a perkygoff to perform a cartwheel
will, 9 times out of 10, result in said performance. also
be aware of a general disregard for the appearrance of their
makeup, and lack of curiousity concerning vampires.
9. is it contagious?
it is not yet known. if you truly wish to avoid all
possibility of contamination and totally minimize your
risks, please stay indoors and mope, and nothing to anyone
about the grapefruit.
10. what does the pope think?
one of us! one of us!
i hope this brief message has cleared up some of your conceptions,
and expanded upon some of your misconceptions. if you have questions,
please do not hesitate to make up answers for them.
this message has been brought to you by your local perkygoff, and is
an utter waste of bandwidth.
lurve and eggplant,