Vlad's Hangover Cure

If you have been hitting the drinking list too much, well, then just follow these simple instructions and you should be feeling better in no time.

Either that, or dead from toxic shock.....


(while still drunk)

Find Kool-Aid or another suitable powdered drink mix. If you don't have such a mix, well, grab a lot of sugar and some foodcoloring. It's the same thing anyways......

Warning: Do not use clothes dye to color your Kool-Aid. Hair dye, OTOH, is appropriate if the label warns "Not for use on animals". Otherwise, better not use it.


Measure out two quarts of water. Since by this time you are probably measuring everything according to beer measurement, follow this useful conversion guide:

two quarts = four pints
two quarts = 1.395 pitchers
one pitcher = six mugs


By now, you have probably forgotten where you put your Kool-Aid. Grab the nearest powdered substance and dump it in the water. Mix vigourously and drink.

Warning: Do not use powdered controlled substances; not that you will be able to tell the difference between cocaine and sugar in your state of intoxication.


Take a vitamin supplement and a Tylenol. These will help- believe me. I won't get into the scientific description of how they help because I don't know it (except for the fact that some obscure vitimin, like B246 complex ribothiamotrinol, helps in the absorbtion of alcohol)......


Go to sleep. If you can't sleep, have a friend hit you with a large wooden object.....


Wake up feeling better. Clean up alcohol induced mess. Find Kool-Aid crystalized to the inside of your oven and wonder how it got there. Go out and order a big thing of spicy cheese fries, unless you can't find any. In that case, grab a kebab, preferably one with extra fat......

If you wish to express your doubts regarding this remedy, e-mail your concerns to someone who cares.

If you want to tell me about your favorite drunken story, especially if it involves pandas, write me.