For-Max-1989-January 2001

stalks of smoke from you-me&a-hoary ashtray.
it was hot-into-cold-November-icy-a-temperature-plateau-
the spicy smell of evergreen sprays
held quite an odor & our story today
we for-1990-ever.
ever, ever heard a song
for the first time
& thought
you could write it
the singer
she been awry
oh see she understood
in melody
time is tidy,
wrapped in X-mas cheer a two-minute
common good but real life, 1991 the way you feel,
the way I see you later two years

I am angry
cause our chance passed
twelve noon & I am past you -shh-1992
if it was any time meant to be
I would have known, see, when
I was sneaking out your window
in Herndon crying dammit for-1993
you were gone.


ever, ever told you
I dream constantly 2000
life would be different maybe,
less austere we-could-be-gone-to-New-Orleans-to-San-Francisco
I would study your hewn features
your lines perhaps I could draw my future
although damn your drugged up eyes
it pisses me off it makes me/search ever/y where 2001
where, who, damn-that-death
it's not glamorous it's sad-empty but I wouldn't be wrapped in paper-fears
alone quiet trying to ask-tell you.

in December ever, ever known a person whose thoughts encompassed your life
maybe your previous incarnations held him & at night you called him Jesus,
Jesus your Savior you know he pulls parables from air when you touch him he's
divisible by one & ever, ever wanted to move his truth to your January lie-
My search