Name: Charlie
Species: Gila Monster (Heloderma Suspectum) -- I'm certain that the scientific name means: "I suspect that this creature has the skin of a monster" -- helo=Greek/Latin root for monster + derma=skin.  When I am Emperor, my High Priests will wear vestments made from vat-grown Gila Monster skin.
Mating Area Range:  Maryland, Washington, D.C., (and with some reluctance) Virginia; Has been known to travel beyond this range for exceptional finds. 
How I Support Myself Financially *  I do technical support on computers, and some graphic arts (printed medium) and web graphics on the side.  I do a tiny bit of professional writing, but that could expand, depending on the fortunes of company I write for -- Chaosium.
Hair:  Brown
 Eyes: Dark Brown
Mass: About 54.5454 kilograms, but subject to tremendous variation at relativistic velocities.  I weigh a little more than 8 stone. 
Height:  5'2" -- The Ideal Height!

Ethnicity: Pictish.  Well, not really.  I'd like to be a Pict, but in truth, I'm just a Caucasian mutt -- A bit of English, Italian, and maybe German-Jewish ancestry.


O.K., on the Love@AOL personal ads, one of the first thing the ads list is this "concert of my dreams" item.

The concert of my dreams is...
The Sisters of Mercy are playing. They start out with a good set, but after about an hour, Andrew Eldritch starts to give yet ANOTHER lecture on why he's not goth, and why he hates goth. At that point, a punk band like the Feederz, Tesco Vee/The Meatmen, or Fear, rushes out on the stage, steals the Sister's equipment, smashes Dr. Avalanche (the Sisters have actually *named* their synthesizer) and starts playing something suitably agressive. Meanwhile, the singer of the punk band puts Andrew Eldritch over his knee and gives him a spanking, saying "Bad goth! No Prozac!"
Tired of "Looking for a few good men" ?

How about giving a good scoundrel a try ?

Scoundrels are a rare breed these days.  We're almost-gentlemen who wear a semi-gruff exterior/persona, but inside, we're all heart.  We're the kind of guys who might not bring roses every week.  Instead, we're more likely to show up in a stolen, swindled, or otherwise purloined hot air balloon (that we may have very little idea how to operate), to take you out for an air-born picnic.  Think Han Solo, or Hannibal Smith (from the A-Team), or maybe the Duke Boys, (from the Dukes of Hazzard), or Robin Hood. 

I'm Charlie, and I am in search of a witty, spirited young lady who has a strong sense of humor, and is willing to put it to (occasionally malicious) use...  sometimes against ME.

On a personal attraction level, - I am very drawn to self-confident, assertive women.  For example, I'd be happy to give you two or three options for dinner restaurants.  If you'd pick one, or suggest a choice of your own, that's all I ask.   I like women who have an opinion on a variety of matters, and who enjoy stating and defending their opinins.  I'm attracted to women who have their own lives, interests, and activities -- those who don't depend upon anyone else to be happy, but nonetheless make the choice to share their lives with a romantic partner.  A romantic partner is there, in part, to share joy in happy times, and to offer consolation, assistance,  and caring when things go badly, but ultimately, we must each be responsible for our own happiness.

In the past, I have been drawn to Goth, "Indie," and Punk women -- but I'm not all that particular about a young lady's "style."  It is definitely NOT a requirement of mine that a potential romantic partner be a goth-chick or anything.  I do tend to think, however,  that there is something to be said for women who dress uniquely and expressively -- a woman who isn't afraid to call some attention to herself by dressing or carrying herself in such a manner is probably pretty confident about herself -- and THAT is attractive, regardless of what her particular preferences are.  I definitely appreciate long hair.  I readily admit that I will play with a young lady's hair if she allows it.  I have a slight preference for women who are also the ideal height, but again, I'm not all that particular.  I sort of like... tummies -- I love shirts/tops that show just a little tummy.  Faces are more important to me than figures.  I think I may prefer 'cute' to 'beautiful,' but more than anything else, I think "attractive" is important.  Attractiveness doesn't have much to do with the way a person looks.  It's more about the way that a person acts, and how that person treats other people.

In a way, it's not really much of a compliment to be called beautiful, or cute, or even smart or brilliant.  Those qualities are things that we're born with.  If you're born with beautiful brown eyes, you didn't make any effort to have that gift.  Sure, you can enhance your looks by dressing well, and with skillful use of cosmetics, a good hair-cut, etc., and you can enhance your intelligence by education and reading, but really, they are part of the "package" we're handed at birth.  I'm a lot more impressed by the EFFORT that another person makes.  If a young lady spends a little of her valuable time on my behalf, that definitely has a strong effect on me.  If she takes the time to do something with me or she makes something for me, or finds something for us to do that she knows that I will enjoy, that's really worth quite a bit to me.

I  like women who can draw, and who do so without hesitation.  If you draw on paper place mats at diners -- if you ask for crayons (I always do) --  you'll have my undivided attention. (I do graphic arts on the computer, but my ability to draw straight lines by hand is... limited.  However, if you draw stuff, you can count on seeing it on a web page -- a 'virtual shrine' that I build for you.)

I'm partial to women who appreciate typography, and who won't get cranky if I fuss about the typeface used on the menu -- AFTER we've ordered dinner (It is totally unacceptable to keep a young lady waiting for dinner whilst I indulge in my appetite for typography.  In fact, not only is it inappropriate to do so; it might actually be DANGEROUS to stand between a woman and her meal, or to delay it from reaching her in any way).  I like women who are into culinary exploration and experimentation -- I've not yet tried every type of ethnic food, but I'm working on it.  Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Malaysian, Polynesian, Thai, Cajun, Creole, Ethiopian, Indian, Moroccan, Greek, Turkish, Persian, Afghan, Armenian, Italian, Peruvian, Mexican, Spanish, and Tex-Mex are on my current culinary resume.  I know how to cook and/or prepare a few ethnic dishes -- sushi, jambaliya, blackened tuna and shrimp, kofta kebabs, and a variety of wonderful, tangy pastas.  I'd like to learn more.  I enjoy watching a young lady's eyes light up as she tastes some delicacy I've made.

If you are affectionate and attentive, that's a big plus -- I *like* holding hands, and I like snuggling, and... other stuff.  I don't have to have my hands on you all the time, but that doesn't mean I won't be *thinking* about it.

If you are interested in Japan, Japanese culture (especially feudal Japan), Taoism, Buddhism, Eastern religions/spirituality/psychology/culture, and like to talk about such things, you win points in my book.  If you know about/are interested in Ancient, Eastern, and Middle Eastern cultures (I don't speak any languages of the East... YET -- but I've got my Introduction to Sanskrit book) you also get big bonus points on my Index of  Attraction.  I'm interested in alphabets -- I created the animations of the evolution of alphabets on this URL:

I'm also moderately interested in Kaballa, Alchemy, and Enochian Magic -- mainly because all of these systems have scads of cool diagrams and symbols.  I accept the possibility there may be more to reality than we can currently perceive through science and the five senses.  I don't believe that our destinies are governed by the Zodiac, but on the other hand, if the moon affects millions of tons of water with its gravitational influences on the tides, surely, it makes sense that it may affects us in ways we do not yet understand, and may never understand.  My logic on the Zodiac is similar -- we are born under certain configurations of stars, based upon the position of the Earth in space.  Stars have tremendous gravitic effects.  We develop in the womb under these changing gravitic effects.  It seems likely to me that they may play some factor in our development.  The Chinese have been using the a Zodiac system for at least 4,000 years.  Cultures do not maintain systems that have no value or validity for that long.

Wanna talk about the paradigm of the wife-stealing villain in Indic/Indian mythology?  Do you want to debate why Ravanna really was cheated by the gods in the Ramayana?  I'm your man.  Greco-Roman mythology is O.K. too.  I can't say that I care too much for Celtic mythology, because the Celts were brutal oppressors of the Picts, an infinitely more interesting culture, from whom the Celts stole most of their art and imagery.  The Irish were rotten to the Picts, too, so don't expect me to say lots of nice things about how they saved Western Civilization.  They may have, but they also helped exterminate the nice-but-very-primitive Picts.

If you tolerate (you don't have to actually *like*) wretched old 1960s and 70s foreign sports cars, that's a plus.  (I will admit that occasionally, my Inner Redneck shows through, and I will look longingly on an American Muscle Car of the same era -- those headlight-less SS Camaros and Chargers are just so mean-looking, like a high school bully or something.  Oh, and don't let any guy EVER tell you that he doesn't have an Inner Redneck.  He has one.  He may be good at suppressing him, like I am, but occasionally, the Inner Redneck is going to manifest.  If you're lucky, he won't ever manifest at the dinner table.  Oh.  My friend Mike doesn't have an Inner Redneck.  He has an Inner Cop.  But it's a Bad Cop.  One that takes bribes, and beats up hippies.  It has been suggested by some that I may have an Inner Ninja or an Inner Necromancer, and I admit that there is some validity to these suggestions.)

Note that a sports car is NOT a fast, high-performance, testosterone-dripping machine; rather, it is a car that one must be a good sport about.  This is why the British make so many famous sports cars -- they seem to be a race with a genetic predisposition to self-flagellation.  I don't drive a sports car like a maniac or idiot.  I drive it gently, because I don't want to be seriously injured when the car  rusts apart while in motion.  This actually happened to me once (the sports car falling apart whilst I was driving it, not the injury).

If you have some interest in fantasy or science fiction literature, role playing games, Rennaissance Festivals, Star Trek (any series except "Enterprise"), Dr. Who, The Outer Limits, The Twilight Zone, and that sort of thing, that's good. Monty Python, The Avengers, Get Smart, Cadfael, (humourous) Shakespeare, foriegn films -- all thise things get my attention as well.

What You Might Want/Need to Know About Me: I'm not a Goth; I'm a Baroque -- perhaps the only one.  I sort of 'evolved' out of late 1980s/early 90s punk, and I slip back into that sometimes.  It's not something one ever really "recovers" from, really.   I don't wear much black at all -- I prefer purple.  I've got no piercings, and the only tattoos I have are a few little gunpowder tattoos on my hands from the "bad old days" when I played with home-made fireworks.  I don't mind tattoos on young ladies; I've even seen a few that are cute. I'm not so keen on anyone -- men or women -- having a half-dozen piercing on their faces.

I'm politically aware.  I get upset if I can't read the front section of a newspaper every day.  I read news on-line, from several sources.  I am rather concerned about what is and is not publicized -- by not reporting on an issue/event, a media organization is in effect saying that the issue/event is not newsworthy -- not important.  One must NEVER forget that the primary purpose of a media organization is to make money.  The owners of media organizations have a direct interest in making careful decisions as to what is covered.  Was it any surprise that NBC's coverage of the Microsoft anti-trust case was more favorable than other broadcasters, since NBC and Microsoft have a joint venture in MSNBC?

I'm also socially conscious, and occasionally, I'm socially active.  I write letters to my congresswoman, and to the Washington Post, and to on-line forums.  I sometimes give money to homeless people.

I'm concerned about my privacy -- I have little interest in the government knowing more about me than I choose to reveal.  I have absolutely *no* interest in private (corporate) entities knowing anything about me, and selling my name and personal information -- they should PAY me for selling my personal information.  I'm especially concerned by the power wielded by credit bureaus, who I believe have FAR too much power, and must be subjected to stricter regulation.  A private individual has little recourse against them, and that's not how it ought to be.

As I get older, my leanings are getting a *little* bit socialist.  I'm not in favor of business having as much control over national policies as they currently do.  Energy research, environmental issues, health care -- businesses work directly against my personal interests in many of these areas.  Part of the problem of our political system is that businesses can contribute to political campaigns -- effectively bankrolling a politician to gain their support.  The oil companies and automobile industry, for example, fight against public transit and research into alternative fuels/energy sources, because it is in their financial interest to do so.

I'm also very much in favor of opening up the political process to more political parties.  I'd like to see Libertarians, Reformers, and Greens in Congress and the Senate.

Other Stuff

I don't dance well.  This does not prevent me from stumbling about on the dance floors at clubs, however.  I'll try to stay out of your way if you're a serious dancer.  I can watch you appreciatively.

I tend to "wear my heart on my sleeve," or so I'm told.  If I like a young lady, I give her quite a bit of attention.  I don't smother her, but I bring her or mail her toys, chocolate, sushi, pasta, firecrackers, jewelry, haiku, and anything  else that makes me think of her. I write love-letters.  Sometimes really long love-letters.

I'm NOT one of  those control nut guys -- I think it's really important for Romantically Involved couples to have their OWN friends, of both genders, and spend time with these friends.  If you want to go out for an evening with a male friend you've known for ten years, or you go to lunch with the new fellow who started to work in your office/joined your class this week, I've got NO problem with that.  You don't have to tell me about it, and I won't ask, "So where were YOU last Friday night when I called to ask you if you wanted to go out for New Orleans-style food?"  Now, if you *volunteer* something like, "I went out for New Orleans-style food last night, and my dinner was BETTER than yours, THEN it is possible that I'll get jealous.  But that's about the only condition.  I figure that if a young lady wants to be in a romantic relationship with me, she's going to be honest and faithful because she has enough SELF-RESPECT to be that way -- it's not about me, as much as I might want to imagine it is.

Oh.  You should be aware that I tend to slander food that I don't like.  I'm particularly unkind to toadstools, because they are too primitive and poisonous to eat, and to eggplant, because it looks too much like the  bulbous, purple nose of a friend of mine.  I pretend to get VERY UPSET if I eat a good meal, and I later find out that it has something I don't imagine that I like in it.

You should also be aware that I am the Ideal Height, which is to say, about 5'2" -- there is simply no need to be taller than that.  If you're one of these ladies who only want to meet/date gentlemen over seven feet in height, just hit that "next" button...  When I am Emperor, I'm going to impose a Height Tax on folks who are over 5'6", because they consume disproportionately more resources than people under that height use.  Why anyone would limit themselves to really tall partners, or make ANY physical feature a requirement for initiating a romantic relationship, is beyond me.  I can just imagine the kind of responses that would I get to this ad if I said, "I'm only interested in meeting women with a cup size of 44 DD or larger."  I'd be harshly criticized, and deservedly so.  I don't see how height requirements are any different.  I also think they reek of a subtle kind of sexism -- one that suggests that tall men are somehow more "manly" or desirable than short men.  I suspect that women who have height requirements are probably not comfortable with their own size or shape.  I've dated and/or lusted after tall and short women, Rubenesque women and petite women.  All physical types have their own special appeal.  I can evaluate what your special appeal is, but I need to perform a hands-on evaluation.

I detest all tea that I have tried thusfar.  However, in most of the East, one is not considered an adult until one drinks tea.  And so, when I go to a Persian, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Indian, or other ethnic restaurant at which tea is served, I always fill my tea-cup up half-way, and then make a point of PRETENDING to drink tea when the waiter or waitress comes by.  He or she eventually notices that my cup appears to have been drunk from, and then I am treated like an adult. 

Oh -- That's something else a young lady I am attracted to should expect -- long, late-night e-mail messages that tend to meander a bit. 


Chivalry is not dead, but I'm working on it.  -- Me

I've already had my 15 minutes of blame.  -- Me

* -- How I support myself is not what I do to "earn a living." I don't have to EARN my right to be.