Perkygoff FAQ

(last revised 04.27.98)

1. so, what does it take to be a perkygoff?

	lots of sugar.

	or, optionally, one might simply be a self-deterministic
	 and obnoxiously happy little git, dressing all in black
	 and all that rubbish and generally presenting oneself
	 as a complete paradox when encountering traditional goth
	 stereotypes of gloom and morbidity. its been done.

2. who are some famous historical perkygoffs?

	most prominently, salvador dali, though he didnt know it
	 at the time. in fact, most surreallists were perkygoffs.
	 they wont admit it, but its true. we have the films. no,
	 you cant see them. DUH.

	people who *werent* perkygoffs might include: ghengis khan,
	 lady bird johnson, *all* the archbishops of canterbury,
	 and at least one of the marx brothers (not karl)

3. what do perkygoffs eat?

	bread. fruit. all varieties, in massive quantities. known
	 to partake of the "bike messengers breakfast" (espresso
	 mocha and a beer), but only in highly secretive and
	 ritualistic ceremonies, to which even other perkygoffs
	 are denied admittance (unless they come in anyways).
	 actually, pretty much known to consume everything in
	 sight.

4. are they dangerous? will they harm my small children?

	only dangerous when angered, or when interfered with
	 while dancing (quote gina@stanford "OW. OW. OW." repeat
	 for 3 weeks, hopping on one foot while holding bruised
	 and sprained other foot). the presence of small children
	 is actually sometimes welcomed by perkygoffs, though
	 this acceptance may change at any given moment, as may
	 anything else, for that matter.

5. if a perkygoff falls in the woods, and no-one is around, does
    it make a sound?

	yes. a sound rather like "nirmph!". it makes this sound
	 whether or not youre around to hear it, actually. this
	 has never been proven to be true.

6. what makes perkygoffs tick?

	clocks. a la the crocodile in "peter pan".

7. do they like artic climates?

	only if kept outside. (the climates, that is)

8. is there any sort of definitive identification marking or
    technique to be used?

	most perkygoffs can do cartwheels. while this in and of
	 itself may not be a dead giveaway (as they do not perform
	 them constantly), asking a perkygoff to perform a cartwheel
	 will, 9 times out of 10, result in said performance. also
	 be aware of a general disregard for the appearrance of their
	 makeup, and lack of curiousity concerning vampires.

9. is it contagious?

	it is not yet known. if you truly wish to avoid all
	 possibility of contamination and totally minimize your
	 risks, please stay indoors and mope, and nothing to anyone
	 about the grapefruit.

10. what does the pope think?

	one of us! one of us!

i hope this brief message has cleared up some of your conceptions,
 and expanded upon some of your misconceptions. if you have questions,
 please do not hesitate to make up answers for them.

this message has been brought to you by your local perkygoff, and is
 an utter waste of bandwidth.

lurve and eggplant,