Vlad's Hangover Cure
If you have been hitting the drinking list too
much, well, then just follow these simple instructions and you should be
feeling better in no time.
Either that, or dead from toxic shock.....
(while still drunk)
Find Kool-Aid or another suitable powdered drink mix. If you don't have
such a mix, well, grab a lot of sugar and some foodcoloring. It's the
same thing anyways......
Warning: Do not use clothes dye to color your Kool-Aid. Hair dye,
OTOH, is appropriate if the label warns "Not for use on animals".
Otherwise, better not use it.
Measure out two quarts of water. Since by this time you are probably
measuring everything according to beer measurement, follow this useful
two quarts = four pints
two quarts = 1.395 pitchers
one pitcher = six mugs
By now, you have probably forgotten where you put your Kool-Aid. Grab the
nearest powdered substance and dump it in the water. Mix vigourously and
Warning: Do not use powdered controlled substances; not that
you will be able to tell the difference between cocaine and sugar in your
state of intoxication.
Take a vitamin supplement and a Tylenol. These will help- believe me. I
won't get into the scientific description of how they help because I
don't know it (except for the fact that some obscure vitimin, like B246
complex ribothiamotrinol, helps in the absorbtion of alcohol)......
Go to sleep. If you can't sleep, have a friend hit you with a large
Wake up feeling better. Clean up alcohol induced mess. Find Kool-Aid
crystalized to the inside of your oven and wonder how it got there. Go
out and order a big thing of spicy cheese fries, unless you can't find
any. In that case, grab a kebab, preferably one with extra fat......
If you wish to express your doubts regarding this remedy, e-mail your
concerns to someone who cares.
If you want to tell me about your favorite drunken story, especially if
it involves pandas, write me.