Updated every so often.

Reviewed today: The Gap

"Dress You Up"

Perhaps we aren't the fashion whores we think we are, but what is with this fleece craze? Sure, it's warm and we have no problem with it in the appropriate setting, namely the dead of winter. But this fleece vest crap has got to go. It reminds us of the sweater vests of the late 70's to early 80's, but that's beside the point.

The Gap, while it should be touting it's selection of blue unstained dresses, appears to have dropped its popular khakis campaign featuring different genres of music: Khakis Swing, etc. This is probably fortunate because the rotating still frame camera effect was becoming old after showing up in so many movies in a row (the Matrix, Lost in Space, etc).

On the other hand, this latest commercial is pretty much a travesty. It leaves us wondering what the fuck they were thinking. To summarize, the commercial pans from left to right showing people standing against the trademark pure white Gap background. Some are very close to the camera while others are further away. In the background, the music from Madonna's "Dress You Up" plays while, and I'm not kidding here, the people in the commercial actually sing the song!

As if these dorky teens trying to look cool for the Gap commercial aren't bad enough without having to hear their singing. Each person is, of course, wearing a hideous flannel vest. I think the slogan was something like "vests for everyone". Oh my god NO! We nearly ran screaming from the television as the image of walking around a crowded city where everyone wears Gap flannel vests and sings "Wanna dress you up in my love" creeped into our skull.

The only thing we can imagine which would be worse is if those same people were singing the latest Old Navy ditty, also about flannel vests.

We will be circulating a petition to propose a constitutional amendment to allow instant executions for automatons wearing flannel vests and singing anything whatsoever. Please call your congressman and add your support.

Rating: 0 seconds. Good God save us from the Gap zombies!

Conclusion: Don't shop at the Gap; Don't shop at Old Navy; Don't wear flannel vests.