Reviewed today: Pepsi

We begin today with a question:

Have you ever seen someone demand a Pepsi? Have you ever seen someone refuse to drink cola because the restaurant only had Coke?

No. While it's probably true that some people prefer Pepsi, and that many people have very weak preferences for one or the other of the two biggest colas, it is only the loyal Coke drinkers who refuse to drink Pepsi. Never the other way around.

So when this little girl (also seen in a commercial for the Independent Film Channel--you want to hit her in that one too) comes into a diner with her grandfather, who once was really funny in a Pizza Hut commercial, a restaurant owned by Pepsi I might add, and requests a Pepsi, it's somewhat believable (please excuse my complex syntax). When she finds out that they only have Coke she opens her mouth and Joe Pesci's voice comes out, complaining.

First of all, a little cutsie girl that you just want to smack speaking with Joe Pesci's voice is not funny, it's kind of creepy. Also, while customers can certainly be a pain, someone going to so much fuss for a lousy Pepsi goes beyond the absurd.

Rating: 0 stars

While we're talking about Pepsi, let us now examine Pepsi One, the latest entry into the lucrative diet soft drink market. I have actually tasted Pepsi One, since I got a free one with a pizza from Pizza Hut. Experienced as I am, I feel qualified to tell you that I wouldn't clean my battery terminals with it for fear my battery would somehow grow a mouth just so it could spit this vile liquid out.

Add to that the incredibly annoying commercials, with the guy from the crap Scientologist Tom Cruise movie, Jerry Macguire. There are two of these commercials that I have seen, one with parachuters and one where Jerry Macguire-guy shows up on everyone in the office's computers.

If the people in those commercials actually drank Pepsi One, they probably would have a) decided it wasn't worth it to pull the ripcord after having tasted Pepsi One, or b) immediately taken a sledge to their computers in an attempt to destroy the origin of their torment, or c) just immediately shoot themselves.

Rating: 0 and 0 stars

Conclusion: Do not, for the love of god, buy Pepsi.

Our Sponsor:
Worship Ted