Updated every so often. This week features cynical.com's Superbowl Commercial review!

Reviewed today: Superbowl Commercials

Most of the commercials mentioned below can be viewed from here.

As usual the overhyped Superbowl commercial fest failed for the most part to dazzle us. On the other hand. the general lackluster performance makes those advertisers that did well stick out all the more. This year we were overwhelmed by underwhelming dotcom ads. Some very internet-saavy companies turned in terribly mediocre commercials. Most notably, Microstrategy.

In three 30-second spots, Microstrategy shows us how we might conduct business using our personalized web phones in the future. Unfortunately, they only succeed in making some really cool technology appear terribly mundane. The ads were relatively well produced, although sometimes the characters were so with it in their wireless transactions that we couldn't figure out what the fuck was happening, as in Eddie's Plan where the protagonist reschedules a cancelled flight, then somehow manages to foil an attempted theft of his identity at the airport on the way. I know. You're now saying to yourself, "What the fuck?" You're perfectly justified in doing so. After viewing all three commercials, which are somehow connected, you still don't know what they are trying to get accross.
Rating: 5 seconds for each of three commercials.
Conclusion: Don't use Microstrategy.

Another thoroughly confusing ad was turned in by WebMD. The ad shows Muhammed Ali apparantly shadow boxing. We hear his breathing as he throws punches. It's kind of sad because you can see a certain vacancy behind his eyes. Then words are superimposed while Ali contintues to work out. The words, verbatim are:

January 17, 2000, 11:54 am

ME

FIGHTING TIME

TIME WASTED IN HEALTHCARE

WE

USING THE INTERNET TO GET IT BACK

Okay, so I guess they are saying that WebMD saves time wasted in healthcare. Fine. But why present it in such an incoherent way? Me? We? It just makes me feel sorry for Ali, like he's even more addled than I thought he was.
Rating: 5 seconds because Ali has inherent coolness.
Conclusion: Don't use WebMD.

But not all the commercials were incomprehensible losers. At least one was an incomprehensible winner. Cynical.com's distinguished panel picked the EDS "Cat Herding" commercial as the best commercial of the Superbowl. The commercial portrays old-west style cowboys herding cats across the open plains and romanticizing the occupation. The cats crossing a river were particularly cute. The commercial falters at the end by analogizing cat herding to what EDS does. "In essence, this is what we do. We bring together information, ideas and technologies. And make them go where you want." Okay, so are the cats information, ideas or technologies? All three? Who knows, and more importantly, who cares? Those cats sure were cute!
Rating: 27 seconds. A three second deduction was taken for trying to make the ridiculous analogous to something serious.
Conclusion: Use EDS.

That's it for today. Check back all week for more Superbowl ad reviews!

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