Ed_McDermott@ed.gov on 03/30/99 03:20:59 PM Subject: RE: Become a Hippy! Subject: RE: Become a Hippy! Author: "Brendan Gray" [SMTP:brendan@performance-design.com] at USDOED Date: 3/30/99 9:05 AM Grrrrr..... I got nailed on the beltway last night coming home from a club after the L&R show. 1:30 AM, 4 open lanes, who cares? -Brendan --------------------------------------------------------------- Brendan: To get out of tickets, I recently found out that it's not what you say but it's about PROPS. You're in the theater you should understand this!! Now I look like a hippy (when not in my official grownup clothes), especially on the weekends -- ratty clothes with holes, long hair, a smoke dangling from my lip, etc... This look and my former shitty car (which I desperately miss) pretty much assured that I would have my car searched for drugs EVERYTIME I got pulled over. AND, when our personal public servants with the flashing lights completed there search only to find 50+ empty Marlboro packs (thank god smoking is still legal) and three to five empty coffee cups, they realized I was an addict just not the kind you can bust for illegal activities. The officers would then just leave you with a warning and scoot away, thanking me for being so cooperative!!! Great scam, worked all but once. Now things have changed, I don't dress or look as ratty as I once did and I needed new props, but didn't really put any effort into thinking about it. UNTIL... I was driving home through the boonie backroads of Virginia -- with no idea of what the speed limit was, but being a Marylander (Much better!) I assumed it was somewhere in the 50 mph range. This of course meant that I was going approximately 64 mph. When I crested a hill and to my chagrin saw a cop with radar in his hand and a big smile. (did I mention that up until that point I was in a great mood). I knew I was busted, he didn't even have a chance to grab his door handle to get back in the car before I had come to a complete stop, turned on my hazards, put my license and registration on top of the dash, put on my seatbelt and put my hand in clear sight on top of the steering wheel. Then I tried to assess the situation -- I looked really respectable, I was wearing Kaikis and a polo for god sake... NO DRUG search today, FUCK! Well when the nice officer came to my door he again smiled, then told me that he appreciated my pulling over so quickly, and then began to ask the standard questions. Starting of course with do you know how fast you were going to which I replied sheepishly 60 and the obvious answer was 64... OoOOPS. Then he asked if I happened to be aware of the posted (posted WHERE?!?!) speed limit, to which I replied 50 - oops wrong again -- sorry the correct answer would be 40... Which for those of you who have difficulty doing math makes me 24 miles above the speed limit _RECKLESS DRIVING, AUTOMATIC SUSPENSION OF LICENSE. Needless to say I was not pleased. While still recovering from my shock the officer asked me if I lived in VA, which definitely threw me, and of course I answered no sir... Then for fun he asked well if you live in MD why does your Dry Cleaning have a VA address (it had given me away, the bastard!), "who in MD comes to get there dry cleaning in VA". If I lived in Virginia and was not registered that is both a point and fine violation approx. $500 -- there goes the wedding money. After a short um... er... session, IT hit me. I realized that I could do the overwhelmed with love thing!!!! That I could share with this officer the fact that I was in a liminal state between engagement and marriage, and that my fiance and I did not feel it would be appropriate for us to move in officially until we were married - thus explaining the dry-cleaning and being in Virginia!!! Then I showed him my props: ten books just acquired from the public library on planning a wedding and flower arranging, a bundle of flowers that I had just picked up for Sarah, and the best prop I would have to say are the 2 boxes of girl scout cookies (tagalongs) I had just purchased from the cute little brownies in front of the library to take to my lady love and which I of course offered... ( how nice, I should probably be buying a minivan) He smiled again, and disappeared back into his cruiser without taking the cookie. For 15 minutes I waited... watching the clock, looking in the rear view... watching him talk on his radio and write on his clipboard... thinking he was arranging for a tow truck to take my car away... Then he finally emerged from his car and walked back to mine. Still smiling... He had a piece of paper ready for me to sign, there goes my insurance!!! IT DIDN'T WORK... F U C K Then he shows me the ticket and gives it to me to sign... "IGNORING A ROADSIGN", fine $30! I was supposed to owe you a several hundred dollars and have more points than a hockey game! $30 fine and no points!!! What the f***!!! Huzzah!!! He told me that the roadsign I happened to ignore was the Speedlimit, and that I should drive more carefully until I become more familiar to VA roads. I thanked him for his kindness, and said that "I promise, it will never happen again". With that he wished me a good day, congratulated me on my engagement, and said that he thought Tagalongs were the best girl scout cookies too. I was pleased... AND, will do my best to always have appropriate props -- for any future traffic violation... ED